My date with Mr. Perfect on Paper went amazing yet again, but I’m holding back on the details for now. I’ve tried a few times to put our date into words but there’s something getting in the way.
…
I don’t know if my heart’s in this whole dating thing.
It’s hard to describe.
I’ll start here: Before every date with Mr. PoP I’ve had almost no desire to get dressed, do my hair or pretty myself up with a little make-up. I hardly spend anytime during the day thinking about my impending date nor do I find myself obsessing over the perfect outfit. It’s like the butterflies aren’t there. The giddiness is nowhere to be found. I usually wait til the very last minute, jump in the shower and throw on the very first outfit that comes to mind. But Mr. PoP is uhhhhhmazzzzing! He’s just about the sweetest guy I’ve met in a long time and he really is Perfect on Paper (and in person too!) Where’s the pre-date giddiness?
I don’t understand why I have to drag my butt up off the couch to get out to see him because when I am hanging out with him, he’s a lot of fun and the time literally flies by. I have enjoyed every minute we’ve spent together, so why don’t I get excited at the chance to see him? Why would I rather mope around the house and lay in my sweats and not go out and have a good time?
I ask myself these questions every time I’m getting ready to see him and it all comes back to just one thing: It was so much easier with Jay. I didn’t have to flirt through measly text messages throughout the week or come home from a 10 hour day at the hospital and spend the next few hours playing the get to know you game. I hate the get to know you game. I don’t want to play it. I don’t want to go through this right now. I want it to be easier. I want to come home and lay on the couch and not have to think about what side of me I let him see. I don’t want to strategically answer questions or analyze every word that comes out of his mouth. I don’t want to. I want to go back to the days where all of these answers were known and the flirting came easy and I didn’t compare the person sitting across the table to the person I once loved.
Is this just a phase? Is this just something that hits you once you start dating again? Is it fair to still see Mr. Perfect on Paper when I still have all of these thoughts racing through my head?
I want so damn badly to move on.
Ohhh my goodness, I can totally relate to this. Wow. Hang in there… unfortunately, I can’t advise you at all because I have no idea what to say other than “I understand.”
I need to move on.
Thanks for your kind words, I’m happy to know it’s not as crazy as it sounds.
Oh Honey….you are definitely not into this guy. The fact that you have no excitement in the “predate preparedness procedures” is not a good sign for the future of this relationship. It doesn’t matter how AMAZING he is, if there is something off, somethings off. Perhaps, it may be the thoughts of Jay or maybe not.
It’s what I call the “rose/carnation” theory. See, if a guy you are not that into gives you 3 dozen, beautiful, red roses, you’re like “oh, thanks. Red roses, huh?”. Ew.
BUT if a guy you are totally digging comes by and drops off a cheap ass carnation, you’re like “oh my gosh! That was so sweet of you” (gush, gush. kiss, kiss). All of a sudden carnations are your favorite flower!
Call it what it is and move on. Spend those “party nights” with some girlfriends and look for a guy that actually gives you an extra pitter pat to that sweet little heart of yours.
P.s. Don’t ever get that comfortable in a relationship again. Flirting should always take effort, but that is for another topic. 🙂
I am definitely looking forward to a few party nights with friends, it’s time for a change of pace! And I’m a fan of your theory although I’m not sure I could ever get so excited over carnations, but I guess that means the best is yet to come, right?
hi. i do not think you are necessarily not into pop but more that your heart is still dwelling in a more comfortable part with the memories of jay. i started to date and similar to you, i reflect on jason, not that my pop is not a good guy, i just do not know how i truly feel and where i am headed. in any case, likewise i am not closing the door or having expectations but just taking it day by day. really, that’s all we can do, right? thinking of you. 🙂
Good to see you around Taylor! I’m glad you see where I’m coming from, I’ve just got to find a way to get over the hump! As for PoP, we’ll see what happens for now.